The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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