I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
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