Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
