You work out of a Hotel?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
Randomize
