i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
last night I used snow as a chaser
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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