Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
