you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
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