I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
