i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
i am craving dick and cupcakes
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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