If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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