He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
