You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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