we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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