My nipple is on Facebook.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
this boner is exhausting
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
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