I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
