I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
Randomize
