Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
Randomize
