I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
