new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize
