Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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