i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
