so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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