We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
