This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Holy shit dude........stairs
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
