But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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