well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
