I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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