woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
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