Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Randomize
