And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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