Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Let's paint friendship bongs
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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