i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
Your message has been received by an unknown user. Picture verification required.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
