I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
