It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
