the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
