two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I just set a reminder on my phone to get star spangled hammered this weekend.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
Randomize
