How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
