so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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