JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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