Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
