i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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