You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
