i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
