Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
