just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Randomize
