He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
