The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
