my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
