Omg Kevin Jonas is engaged!!!!!!
Omg really? To who. Gay marriage is only legal in like 3 states.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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