GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
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