We're like a lot better than the average bears
she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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