id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
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