I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
